2nd addition

Okay so I'm going to try to remember everything that I can...So when I got home I patiently waited for Steve to get home from work, well I guess you could call it patient I just sat in the recliner in a complete daze rocking back and forth back and forth. So I heard the truck pull up and Steve came into the house and at the time the first room you walked into in our house was the livingroom and that's where I was sitting..rocking, Steve noticed immediately something was wrong and he knew that I had my appointment that day with the doctor to get my results. He asked me "what's wrong" and I said "I have a brain tumor" just blurted it out just matter of factly and he just blindly stared at me for a few seconds not saying a word then turned around and went back outside to aimlessly wander around the yard. I thought WTF! Really?! Is that all he can do for me? No hug, no honey we can get through this, no are you okay nope just left me there to be scared to death by myself. Then the phone rang and it was my mom she was curious as to what I had found out from the doctor as well and I just like I told Steve told my mother the very same thing and just as emotionless and matter of factly (if that is a word) and she starting screaming and sobbing, OMG! OMG! OMG! That is all she kept saying and then the phone hit the floor. It took a few seconds and she picked the phone up and said I have to go I will be there in a second (histerically) While I waited for my mom to show up still sitting in the chair rocking back and forth, Steve still outside and I cannot remember where my children where for the life of me, I don't know if they were home or what. But it took my mom more than a second to get to my house which was literally seconds from her house, I was having so many different emotions run through me, anger, sadness, scared, abandoned in my time of need, and thankfully in shock. Well my mom showed up maybe 30 minutes later and looked horrible I could tell that she had had a complete breakdown. She told me she was sorry it took her so long but the first thing that came to her mind is "I need my mom" so she went to my grandma's and my grandma worked her magic and got her somewhat together so that she could face me. I'm not sure when Steve came in exactly but I think it was right after my mom got there and somewhere in this devastated time I think it was my mom that suggested we call my Bishop, Kenneth Lamb to come over to the house to help us in anyway he could. I don't know who made the call, I'm assuming Steve did and the Bishop was there in a matter of seconds, he didn't know exactly what was going on but knew there was "something wrong". I know now and I knew then that that was the best thing we could've done because he got us all anchored and then asked me if I wanted a blessing. I don't know exactly when my sister Darcie got there if it was right before the Bishop or immediately after but I do remember we were all there when I got my blessing and the sad thing is I cannot remember if Steve helped with that blessing or not but what I do remember is that he said I would be fine and that I would raise my children, well for those of you that are LDS I know that we "believe" that we can raise our children in the after-life but I KNEW that he meant in this one and was comforted so much and because of my comfort I know it helped my mom to be a little more comforted. I can't remember what happened next that night but I do know that after having a bawlfest of all time and all the emotions I was extremely drained. The next day the doctors office called and told me I had an appointment with my Neurosurgeon in Provo in the next couple of days and this was Dr. Paul Gardner. I remember that my mom and my dad took me to this appointment to see the doctor and to hear exactly what I had. I was VERY upset that Steve didn't go with me, he had told me that he couldn't miss work and I can remember thinking I might find out that I'm dying but you can't miss work?! While on our way to Provo I remember a song that came on the radio that I hadn't heard before and it was Tim McGraw and I have always been a fan of his. I listened to this song, to EVERY word and the name of that song was "Live like you are dying" I couldn't believe it!! If you have never heard that song I encourage you to find it and listen to it, it's is a BEAUTIFUL song! Well we arrived in Provo and found the doctors office, we all went in to the room to hear what the doctor had to say and that was that he wanted me to have surgery ASAP which happened to be the next day at Timpanogos (sp?) Regional Medical Center we then left the doctors office and went and got my lab work done and then went and got our room at the LaQuinta. When we got to the hotel my mom decided that we needed to go to a store and get some things that we would need because when we had left to come up we hadn't planned on staying. So we went to K-Mart and got a few things, my mom got me some comfty jammies for after my surgery I will never forget the pants were bright pink with a HUGE smiley face on the bum, my mom thought they were perfect **tears** So we headed back to the hotel room and the receptionist let me know I had a message that she conveyed "your surgery has been canceled because your insurance will not cover it" it felt like a bomb had hit me...what??!!! Was this true? I mean I wasn't having a nose job or something cosmetic I was having BRAIN surgery..life or death, I COULD NOT believe this! So we went down to our room and I made a call to my doctor to find out what the deal was and he told me that I would have to wait 2 days and then I could have it at Utah Valley because it was and IHC facility and that is what my insurance would cover. So I went down to the desk to see if we could get a refund on our room since we hadn't even spent 15 minutes in it and she let me know that she could not...I was floored, irate, this is the same woman that had just not only told me of my canceled brain surgery but heard it before I even had. So like I said I was pretty much bolistic, I walked into the room of the hotel and went straight into the bathroom and threw EVERY towel on the floor, took the tissue box out and was planning on taking that with me home, walked into the other room and proceeded to tear off all the covers off of both beds and like that wasn't bad enough I threw them ALL over the room. My mom and dad just stared at me I think they were too scared to say anything and I had already ranted and raved about the bitch down the hall that has no heart and so on and so. So after I could demolish the room without doing too much damage like breaking a window my mom took my arm and escorted me out. On our way out to the car the receptionist said "have a good day" and I said pretty loud, not yelling but loud enough she could hear me "F** you" yep never said that in front of my parents before and wasn't to keen of the word at all but at that point there wasn't anything bad enough, rude enough, that could make me feel better that I could say. And no that didn't make me feel better either I just then felt worse for saying such a thing in front of my parents to a total stranger that didn't deserve that so then I had a new thing to worry about for the ride home. On our way we had made a few calls to tell the people that we had informed of my scheduled surgery that it was canceled. I'm not sure of how many people were called but my sister was one of them, she had Bayti and Kye. By the time we got to Kanarraville from Provo Darcie had let us know that throughout the town of Kanarra and others donating money they had $10,000 that I could use so I could get my surgery done. (I cried then as I am now) I couldn't believe it the love, the gratitude, the humility, could I be worth this to these people??? Okay I have to stop here for now because I am sobbing and can't see the screen but I will definately write more soon.